The Danger of Self-Doubt
Reflections on how playing into self-doubt can be damaging to the creative process.
My first impression of loving what I do for a living left me with the idea that creativity would come easily. That I’d crossed through to this mysterious other side where no matter how difficult things got, at least I wouldn’t be stuck. Stuck in some dead-end job. Stuck uninspired. Stuck in stagnation. That last one is still one of my greatest fears. My friends would sooner peg me for the girl who runs from white picket fences than one who settles down and makes littles. It’s been something like a year since I’ve written anything of note and by “of note” I mean, something that speaks from my own heart. Playing the face of brands is a talent I’m rather skilled at. Vulnerability, however, is something I aspire to be good at.
Relocating to San Francisco in 2018 felt like magic to me. Getting hired to work for a sparkly early-stage startup in the heart of the city seemed like I’d finally made it — somewhere. For the first time in my life, my only job was to write. I was provided with anything I could have needed, from a reservable “meditation room” to beer vending machines, neon lights, free lunches, fancy hydraulic desks, and endless snacks. It took weeks before I even realized the park I’d been spending my lunches was Lafayette Park or that…
